


Michael in the Bathroom

by LizzyMidford



Series: Michael in the Bathroom (Trans! Michael and bro Rich) [1]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Depression, Gender Dysphoria, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Jealous Michael, Jeremy didnt leave the party, M/M, Michael Needs a Hug, Michael and Rich are bros, Pining, Sad, Song: Michael in the Bathroom, Suicide Attempt, Trans Michael
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-14
Updated: 2017-06-14
Packaged: 2018-11-14 01:01:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11197170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LizzyMidford/pseuds/LizzyMidford
Summary: Michael in the Bathroom with trans Michael and pining.Also, Jeremy didn't leave the party.





	Michael in the Bathroom

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! First Boyf riends fic. 
> 
> Some really harsh thoughts there. All are just dysphoria. I personally based them off my own thoughts. So here's a warning!!

Michael knew that what he was doing could be called a 'tantrum' or a 'fit', but he couldn't find it in himself to care. 

And why should he? He's completely alone now. 

Jeremy made it clear. He doesn't care anymore. Michael's a Loser.

Not a loser, a Loser. 

A name. A title. A single word used to describe the boy who Jeremy Heere said was his best friend less than a week ago. 

Jeremy Heere, who was probably out there with new friends right now. Like Christine. 

God, Michael's been jealous of Christine for so long. She's good enough for Jeremy. She's pretty and smart and she peobably doesn't have meltdowns every time someone calls her something, no matter how venomous.

Names like

Michelle

Tranny

Confused

Creep

Girl

Loser

He sat in the bathtub, tears pouring down his face. 

He couldn't breathe.

HE COULDN'T BREATHE!

In a fit of passion, Michael ripped off his shirt, violently clawing at his binder. 

He couldn't breathe.

On the edge on hyperventilating, he sat back. His naked back on the cool tub, hot tears pouring down his face. His glasses were crooked and his hair was flattened and tangled beyond recognition.

Who was he to think he could have a friend like Jeremy anyways? 

Some freak in the wrong body, with no social life, a stoner with a soccermom car. 

He really was a Loser. 

He looked down, his shirts absence revealing his breasts, he glared at the strange parts. Just bags of fat on his chest. Proof that he wasn't a boy. That he couldn't be himself until he turned 18.

His eyes skimmed lower, at the strechmarks, crossing with vertical scars across his hips. Jeremy noticed the ones on his wrists and he didn't want to let his friend down, so he changed the location. 

His chest, free now but feeling so heavy and wrong, filled with shame. 

He'd never be good enough to deserve Jeremy.

And then he heard the knocking. 

It was loud, and angry sounding, scaring the boy out of his thoughts. 

"Uh, He'll yeah! I'll be out soon!" He pulled his shirt on, standing up. His breathing was still erratic and he didn't want to move, but he was determined. 

He threw water onto his face before turning to the door, but it was now silent. 

He sighed in defeat, looking into the mirror. 

Disgust filled him to the bone as he saw himself, his hair, his face, his chest. 

He was horrible. 

He jumped when he heard the screams. 

He wasn't sure what was going on, but he wasn't prepared to leave. He lay himself in the bathtub again, trying to make sense of the sounds.

"FIRE!!!"

He heard the warning loud and clear, but didn't really want to move. In fact, the threat of death only made him want to move less. He was more than content with dying. 

He felt his phone buzz, just texts from Jeremy. 

'Hey, man. There's a fire. Are you okay?'  
'Are you at home?'

He turned his phone of and closed his eyes, ready for the flames to consume him. 

......

He woke up in the hospital with Rich Goranski in the next bed. 

The kid didn't believe him when he said his name was Michael, but gave him a sympathetic glance when he told him he lost his binder in the fire. Turns out Rich was the one who set it. 

"I'm so sorry dude. I wish I would have known. How do you fall asleep in the bathtub?" He chuckled. 

"Hey, it was an emotional night, okay?!" He chuckled, "I was basically dumped by my crush, sue me!" 

"Hey, mines gonna do much worse than dump me after this. I burned down his house!" 

The two of them had bonded on gossip and posts on Twitter over the two days Rich was there. 

Noticing the cuts on his arms and hips, the doctors kept him for therapy.

When Michael got released, the doctor gave him a gift.

"From a kid named Rich," he said, handing Michael the best thing in existence. 

A binder with a weed leaf pattern. 

"Sorry about setting your other one on fire dude" the note taped to it read. His number was underneath it.

The next day, Michael went to school in the binder. Nobody really knew, but it was a fun reminder of his friend. 

Rich talked to him in the hall, signaling some attention, from strangers, gossips, and, Jeremy. 

"Since when were you close to Rich?" He asked between classes. 

Michael shrugged. "Since when did you talk to me?"

"Hey, are you okay? I haven't seen you since the party, and rumor has it someone was still in the house and -" 

Another shrug. And then Michael walked away, already feeling tears. 

With every step he took away from Jeremy, he fell apart a little more.


End file.
